Monday, August 31, 2009

Almost Finished

Crazy Love is almost over. I have had to go back and reread some things because I really am the worst at reading books. Even though, I really enjoyed this one. This book as caused me to look at my own life and try to figure out if my life is any different. Most days, I play the "christian" part real well. I know the right things to say and the right things to do. Could people look at my life and see Jesus? I desire to live a life fully for Christ so what the heck is holding me back sometimes?

What if I took Matthew 25 literally? How would my life be different if I really looked at every person as coming in contact with Jesus? Tonight, we got on the subject of hell a little bit. Sometimes, I can let the thought of hell consume and it keeps me up at night. It is such a reality but yet we let life get so busy that it is not our reality. How many times do we hear after someone does something so horrible like shoot up a school or abuse a child that the deserve to be in hell. If we truly understood the ramification of hell, would our comments change? I sure hope so. Where did we get this mentality that we also dont deserve hell? We deserve it just as much as the next person and as Christians, we should understand it better than anyone. We have taken the love out of the gospel and filled it with religion, traditions, and judgements.

In the book, Chan talks about real faith and love is loving someone who has wronged you. I feel like we should be so focused on the kingdom that we begin to learn to look past ourselves long enough to love someone who doesnt deserve it. Loving people who we feel don't deserve it is what God calls us to do. So many times, I burn bridges and cut off relationships because someone does me wrong. If I could keep a kingdom perspective, my thought process would change so much. I would no longer see people through my human eyes. I would be able to see them through Christ's eyes.

This entry was kind of all over the place but I just want my life to be different. I want people to describe me as a person who loves Jesus and loves people.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Crazy Love

I started reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan yesterday. It really has been an incredible book to read. I love to highlight the parts of books that really stick out to me and part of me could highlight this whole stinking book!

I am only through chapter 3 but I want to take it all in. I find it funny that in the last post, I talk about how I don't always trust God and then in the first few chapters, I am reminded how selfish I am for not trusting Him! I feel like I could talk about this book for hours. It has already challenged me in so many ways. I really like how he explains that this is not another book bashing the church. We all know, there are plenty of those out there! It's so easy to blame the church. Trust me, I did it for so long. I love when he writes, "If we lived like we were supposed to the people could not say, 'I believe in God but not orgainized Religion.' The expression would have to change to, 'I can't deny what the church is doing, but I don't believe in God.' At least then they'd addrees their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scapegoat."

For so long, I used the church as a scapegoat. Yes, I had been burned by Christians that were supposed to be my closest friends. Yes, I had been let down by leaders in my life that I trusted and I let Satan win that battle. Instead of focusing on my relationship with Christ, I pulled away. I didn't want any part of what the church stood for and I had no plans to help make it better. I just wanted out.

I feel like through a lot of pain and tears, my view has completely changed. People will always let me down and the church is not perfect but it's my choice how I react to these situations. I can totally write people off and judge them or I can be there for them and see them through Christ's eyes. It's not easy and it's something that I continue to struggle with but I have so much more peace in my life these days.

I really feel like this entry could be forever long if I let it because there are so many things I could write about on the topic of this book. I will just leave a few of my favorite quotes.

Until next time,


We don't get to describe who God is. God said to Moses, "I am who I am." We don't change that.

We are programmed to focus on what we don't have. This dissatisfaction transfers over to our thinking about God. We forget that we already have everything we need in Him. Because we don't often think about the reality of who God is, we quickly forget that He is worthy to be worshipped and loved.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Another Season

I started my job this week as a nanny. I really love it. I have a little boy who is almost 11 months old. Its kind of a perfect job for me right now. It gives me flexibility and a lot of free time. I am ready for this season. I am ready to see what God has in store for me although I feel like I am starting to get this itch to do something else.

It seems to always happen when I hear other people's dreams and plan for their lives. I feel like I am learning to be content but still seek God and it's not an easy task. I am sure it will be one of those things that I never master and will always have to work towards but sometimes it is a lot harder for me. I have no question that I am where I am supposed to be at this moment. I just feel like I am meant for bigger. Maybe all Christians should feel this way because essentially we are meant for bigger.

Today at church, Pete talked about Jonah. I just loved how he talked about the fish not being the punishment for Jonah's disobedience. This story is a story about grace and second chances. I think I relate pretty well to Jonah. I have a hard time trusting that God is going to see me through things even when I know He has never let me down. It's probably the thing that frustrates me the most about myself. I just can't let go of things sometimes and let Him work. Man, life would just be so much easier if I could just trust from the beginning!! I guess that is what growing is all about.